| Just because I feel like bitching |
[Wednesday : March 12th 2008 @ 2:46pm] |
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Why don't people ever answer their phone if it's a number that isn't saved in their phone book? That person got your number somehow and called it, if not then it's the wrong answer. Are people scared of that? To everyone who thinks texting is the newest way to communicate: Fuck you, pick up the phone and fucking call them. Now that I think about it, why even make cell phones anymore? Just make a text messager, it's probably more convenient to not have all of those numbers in the way while people are texting. That's all for now.
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| Almost ready to give up |
[Thursday : December 27th 2007 @ 3:28pm] |
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I have been actively searching for a job for a year now, not as actively as I wish I could but as actively as I am able to right now. I've had 3 jobs since I lost my job at Macy's. One of them was selling Kirby vacuum cleaners. Another was at a call center in Spokane called ICT, and the third was at Radioshack. Kirby talked themselves up a lot and made it sound like the best job in the world, after talking to other people who worked for them I realized they were full of shit and I probably wouldn't have made it a full month there. ICT would have been a really good job, boring but with good pay and a lot of hours every week. I would still be working at ICT, had my own place, and finally doing something with my life. That is not the case because I thought I was in love and at the time Kailey was more important to me and I had to take her to the crazy hospital, that was a waste of 2 years of my life. Radioshack was decent, until they fired me for "not telling them I have been to jail before". It seems like no matter how hard I try to succeed and do something with my life it all backfires in my face, every single time. I'm to the point now where I don't even want a job, I just want to go to school and be broke for 2 more years until I can get a good job. I know I'm disappointing my family with the way I am living but I am disappointing myself more than anything. When I was younger I was told I was a loser, I would never do anything with my life, blah blah blah. I always told myself I would prove everyone wrong and I would become more successful and become happier than anyone else I have ever met. All I have done is prove everyone that has ever told me that right. I'll be 22 in 5 months and I have nothing to show for it. It all started after I dropped out of school, that was a huge mistake. I dropped out in May of 2004, I tried to get into back into school that September at Davis but East Valley never transferred my transcript. I tried to go to the Christa Mcaullife Academy but by the time they got their shit together and finished my paper work I was too old for the program. I moved to Seattle and tried finding a job, I never did and I ended up right back where I started. I moved to Kennewick and got a job and an apartment and that blew up in my face, and I ended up here. Spokane would have worked, but like I said I wasted time on a relationship and fucked myself over.
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[Monday : December 10th 2007 @ 5:00pm] |
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I've noticed lately that I've changed a lot. I don't know if it is good change or bad change. I used to see myself owning a house, having a wife, a kid or two, and a dog, the typical american life. I used to believe in fate, I used to think there was someone out there for everyone, I no longer think that way. First of all, I would never pay money to have my name and someone else's name put on a paper stating that I will be with them forever. Marriage is merely a piece of paper two people sign stating that those two people will be together for the rest of their life. I have friends I am planning on being friends with for the rest of my life, you don't see me spending money on a piece of paper saying I will be friends with them for the rest of my life. Not only that but most marriages fail, and divorces cost even more than the marriage. Kids with unmarried parents can get a grant for college. I also don't believe that there is only one person out there for everyone in the world. There are billions of people in the world, how could only one be right for you? Every relationship has its problems, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. It doens't matter who the person is they are going to do something that will annoy the other person in the relationship. In my eyes, marriage is completely pointless.
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[Wednesday : October 24th 2007 @ 2:51pm] |
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People say there is something wrong with people like me. It's not my fault I don't like people. I have my friends and that's all I need. I don't need to like anyone else, I don't need to get along with anyone else. I'm not anti-social, I'll talk to anyone and get along with anyone, but that doesn't mean I like you. I love meeting new people and talking to all different kinds of people, this doesn't mean I am trying to be your friend. People also call me racist, I am the least racist person you will ever meet, I don't hate a specific race, I hate the entire human race.
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| This isn't how I expected things to go |
[Tuesday : October 2nd 2007 @ 12:26pm] |
I want nothing more from life than happiness. I don't care if I'm poor, I don't care if I live on the streets, I don't care if I have to beg for change just to get a pack of cigarettes. I'd be perfectly happy living out of a dumpster if I had to and stealing food from the nearest grocery store. I have that dignity, that kind of dignity everyone should have.
I need to get the fuck out of here. I'm going crazy, I just need a little vacation, a vacation from everyone. I want to drive up in the mountains all by myself and stay there for a few days and not even tell anyone. I never get any time to myself, I think that's why I'm so irritable all the time. I'm constantly on edge and anything people say can set me off.
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[Tuesday : August 28th 2007 @ 1:33am] |
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Everywhere I look I see more and more people worried about what brand of clothes they are wearing. I even have friends who are worried about that who never were before, I could name a few off the to of my head. I still don't understand how people can spend so much money on clothes when most expensive stuff doesn't even last as long as some of the cheaper clothes. I can understand why people would be into fashion and shit like that, but if people are that interested in it why don't they just learn how to make their own clothes somehow, it would save money and get people away from the tv for a little while. I'm a little stoned so if this doesn't make sense I'm sorry for making you read my jumbled thoughts.
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| I feel like I'm in a movie |
[Thursday : August 23rd 2007 @ 7:48am] |
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 scared |
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I'm losing my mind, I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm anxious, I can't sit still, I'm chain smoking. I never never never never thought I'd end up in a situation like this. You should have seen it, restraints to the bed and everything.
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| HAHAHAHAHAHAHA |
[Monday : July 2nd 2007 @ 9:05pm] |
You make me laugh, I caught you and you know exactly who I'm talking about. I love all the stuff you can get for myspace now, I didn't think that tracker worked, but it does.
I can't even remember the last time I updated this. I never feel the need to post anything on here anymore, I know all of my thoughts and feelings and the people I care about know most of the same things, so really what's the point? Besides that there are too many people who can't mind their own business. I don't give a shit if people read what I write, I just wish they could be a little more mature about it and keep their mouth shut about it. Lately when I update someone posts basically the same thing as I do but mock me instead. I'm bored I want to get drunk and smoke some pot.
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[Thursday : March 15th 2007 @ 3:49pm] |
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I will never understand people. The more I look at the people I know, or the more I read from people I know, or the more I hear about people, even people I don't know, I realize how different they are. It almost seems like they forgot where they came from. I see so many people who grew up poor and they go on and succeed in life and do great things, but I think most of them have forgotten how things used to be. A lot of people were poor when they were younger, such as myself, and they had to watch all of their friends play with cool toys or the newest video game and they would get jealous. I had a Nintendo that was given to my parents so they could give it to me for Christmas, they weren't able to afford a new game for me for almost 3 years so I was stuck beating Super Mario Bros. everyday while all of my other friends were talking about the newest game their parents bought them. I had a black and white TV in my bedroom for my Nintendo, some of my other friends had a bigger TV in their bedroom than my parents had in their living room. I didn't get new games for my Nintendo until Super Nintendo came out and the prices for regular Nintendo games were reduced. I look around and see people who grew up the same way and now live a luxurious life compared to how it was before. It seems as if after people grow up they forget how their life used to be. These days everyone wants to eat at the fanciest restaurants, wear expensive clothing, live in the nicest and biggest house, buy the most expensive car, etc etc. I don't understand it though because all restaurants have food, be happy you're eating. All clothes cover your body, be happy you can wear something different everyday. All houses keep a roof over your head, the only reason you need a house is so you have a place to live. Why does everyone insist on buying "nice" things? I've learned over the years that if you have something and it works then keep using it. If your clothes still cover your body, your shoes still cover your feet, your car runs, your house keeps you warm and all food fills your stomach. After thinking about this, because I've been doing it a lot lately, I decided not to spend money on things I don't really need. In the last 4 years I have only spent about $200 in clothing, I know people who spend that much in one shopping trip. Of course on occasion I will buy a movie or a new video game or new clothes...maybe, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do it all the time like other people. Everyone should be happy with what they have.
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| Tyler Chapman |
[Monday : February 26th 2007 @ 1:44pm] |
Tyler Chapman was born December 27, 1986. Six months after he was born he was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. Cystic Fibrosis is a common disease that affects the entire body, causing an early death. Most people with CF die in their 20's or 30's due to lung failure. Tyler knew about his illness his entire life but it never slowed him down or stopped him from doing what he wanted. At a very young age Tyler had a lung removed, and he still never slowed down. He was always one of the happiest people at school. He played every sport you can think of, he rode four wheelers, he raced cars, etc. He did all of this knowing he was going to die at a very young age, and like I said he never let it slow him down. At 16 Tyler's lung collapsed twice. It was then that he realized how much his illness could affect his life.
I went to Tyler's memorial service on Saturday. After hearing about how Tyler lived his life, I was amazed. It amazed me how he could keep himself so happy knowing that his time was almost up. It made me look at life completely different. Here is someone with a chronic illness and he was happier than everyone around him. Happier than everyone else in school who was perfectly healthy and would live a full life. Everyone takes the small things in life for granted. Tyler never let his illness slow him down so why do so many people complain about how bad their life is? He decided to do as much as possible and live his 20 year life to the fullest. He lived to be 20, most of us will probably live to be 80, yet he was still happier than anyone else I know.
I had the honor of wrestling with Tyler for 3 years. He wasn't the best wrestler, in fact he flat out sucked, he stuck with it though. Since he had CF he was really small and didn't grow as fast as the average person. Freshman year he weighed less than 86 pounds and he wrestled at 103 pounds. In order to wrestle at a highschool level you need to weigh at least 86 pounds, so while we were all trying to sweat the water out of our system to lose weight he was drinking as much as possible to weigh enough to wrestle.
You will be missed Tyler. RIP.
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[Monday : February 26th 2007 @ 1:42pm] |
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Here is what I find hilarious. I was accused of lurking and it was made out to be a big deal, a lot of people were mad for it. In fact, a few people who commented on my last post were the ones accusing me of it, I'm not friends with any of those people on here...you figure it out. It's also funny that some got mad for me using physical features in my post. I guess it's ok when she does it, it's ok to say a baby is ugly and fat, it's ok to say you want to drown a baby, it's ok to go around on the internet and post that Krista is "fat and ugly". Maybe it's only alright for her to talk about people like that, the second someone stands up to her and says the same shit back all hell breaks loose. Another thing, in almost every comment someone said I don't know her because if anyone who knew her blah blah blah, how many of you actually know me? None of the people who commented on my entry know me. So basically what I'm trying to say, fuck you, nice try though.
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| People amaze me |
[Monday : January 15th 2007 @ 10:30pm] |
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So I started out writing something, but then deleted it because I have to say this.
You are the most pathetic person I have ever met in my life. You only care about yourself and making yourself happy that you don't even notice stuff that goes on around you. I know you'll read this so I won't say any names. You wanted him to delete the Vaginarchists from his friends list, and I know it's because of Jessica, but what you don't know is he went behind your back a few times to hang out with her, and I'm talking recently. While you were gone a while back, probably around October, he came to my house to see Kalob and Krista...twice...and he tried to make a move on her. It's pretty pathetic that 21 year old needs to go behind his girlfriends back just to hang out with his friends. You are so fucking insecure it's ridiculous. But I guess you have a reason to, I mean you are pretty chunky, you have bad hair, I'm sorry but your eyebrows are hideous, boobs are a little saggy, and you're a little short...all of which are turn offs for most guys. Not only are your looks bad, but you have the shittiest personality ever. You're a fucking controlling bitch, no wonder he cheated on you so many times, I'd do the same thing.
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| Everyone is dumb |
[Monday : January 8th 2007 @ 1:29am] |
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My livejournal is lame and won't tell me when anyone updates, I have to click on each individual account to read anyone's shit. Not that I care too much anyway because no one ever updates anymore, I can't say much though. I don't have a job anymore, it's lame, Macy's is lame and they lie. I need another job because I am determined to get out of this shithole, I'm tired of everywhere being closed at 9:00. I need to do more than just sit at my house, or other people's houses. I need to be out doing stuff, keeping myself busy.
Someday I'm going to buy a shitload of tobacco, put on my favorite clothes, which is any of my clothes because clothes are clothes and I don't have favorites not even any name brand shit you fucking name brand droppers. Then travel, I only want to have $200 dollars on me. I don't even want a car, I just want to rough it and go everywhere, just hitch hike everywhere and shit. I think it will be fun.
Another thing, you guys are both dumb. Shut the fuck up already. The shit is dropped then you have to write another fucking message. No one is going into a store to harass you, shut the fuck up about that, believe it or not we shopped at Target before you worked there. Shut the fuck up both of you, get a fucking DNA test and end it already, you're both annoying everyone.
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[Saturday : November 18th 2006 @ 7:00pm] |
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I'm starting to acutally like my job at Macy's. Womens shoes isn't exactly where I'd choose to be placed but it works I guess. I realized that old women love me, I gave a few of them my card yesterday and 3 of them called me today to order shoes and they don't want to come in and get them unless I'm there. So far it looks like I'm going to be kept permanately, hopefully they'll keep me. Where else will I find a job paying $8.50 an hour with 35-40 hours a week? When I went to get my check last night the lady looked at me really weird, like she didn't believe I worked there. But could you really picture someone like me working there? My feet hurt and I need to get out of my work clothes.
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| It has been forever |
[Wednesday : November 8th 2006 @ 1:17pm] |
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Internal Affairs |
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I never update anymore, I probably say that everytime I post something new too. Not much has been going on really, I finally got a fucking job though. No drug test and no background check, perfect job for me considering I would fail both of those. It's hard for potheads to find a job. I'm not too happy with where I'm working but the pay is going to be good, and I'll be getting paid weekly, which will make it hard for me to save up. I want to get the fuck out of this town, I almost wish I was in tri-cities still. I'm tired of hearing about the new drugs my friends have done, it doesn't impress me, all it does is cause me to lose respect for them. And what the fuck is with heroin? I guess that's the cool thing to do these days. Whatever happened to the days when everyone just smoked pot and drank beer? That will never happen again though, all of my friends are going to turn into drug addicts and I'll be on my own, with a few select friends who are smart enough to not do shit like that. Fuck off.
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[Thursday : September 28th 2006 @ 6:49pm] |
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Leftover Crack |
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I have said this my entire life, or almost my entire life, but I want people to remember me when I die. Not friends or family because of course they will all remember me. I want people outside of who I am close with to know who I am. I want to make a difference in this world, even if it's just something small. A few things happened today that made me realize some stuff. My moms car over heated today and I pulled over to put water in and let it cool down. Some guy who lived across the street from where I pulled over came out and helped me and told me what he thought might be wrong with the car, he was wrong but that is besides the point. He helped me get it cooled down, and he gave me a few things of water to carry in my car in case it happened again. So many people just drove right by, some slowed down and some drove by without even looking. It made me think of how our world is today compared to how it was 30 years ago. I am going to fight for what I believe in and I WILL make a difference in the world. Fuck you if you doubt me. I think we all need to do something to help our society. I hate to say it but when our generation is in control we are going to be fucked, we all need to change our actions and think of other people rather than ourselves all the time.
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| I hate you |
[Thursday : September 14th 2006 @ 8:25pm] |
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That subject wasn't to anyone at all, I just can't ever think of a subject. I've been in tri cities since saturday, and I got back yesterday at about 2:00 am. I had some shit to take care of and never got around to it. I found some shit out that changed a lot about the way I look at a certain person. I'm still in shock and I can't believe it happened still but I'm letting it slide. I have no idea why I'm letting it slide because normally I would never do that. I guess that just goes to show how much I really do love her. I'm to the point where I can't even picture myself without her.
I realized something today. Everyone I have ever met has changed me in some way, whether it's a good change or bad, they change me one way or another. But right now I'm to the point that I can't be changed. No one can open my eyes to anything anymore, I think I see everything I used to claim to see. I used to say I was the most open minded person ever, but I wasn't. I was a fake, I was pretending to be accepting to everyone and not judge anyone. I think living on my own made me see a lot of stuff and think of a lot of stuff that I never used to. I no longer judge someone because they are 40 and still working at McDonald's, I don't judge people based on how they dress. I know I always used to say I didn't but I realized I really did, I always said shit about the way people dressed. I don't do that anymore, maybe that person is working at McDonald's because they really like their job, and people just dress the way they want and I get mad when people say shit about the way I dress so why did I do the same thing? I think overall I am a better person. One thing I will constantly make fun of, and I don't care what people say about it, popped collars. What the fuck is that all about? But that's the only thing I will say. I know people could say the same thing about me, like my studded vest or tight pants but I won't let it get to me and I hope those people won't let it get to them and I hope they won't take offense to it because I'm only saying something about their clothes, not who they are.
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| In Spokane |
[Sunday : August 20th 2006 @ 2:12am] |
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This place brings back so many memories. I basically grew up here, after I moved I spent every summer here. This time is just like old times, we did nothing but smoke weed and play video games. I miss Kailey, I haven't even really talked to her since I've been here. Why can't everyone just find some type of happiness, something that will keep them too happy to worry about if bombing a country is a good idea. The world would be a happier place like that. I'm too fucked up to type, I feel like a moron. Have a good day.
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| I'm tired |
[Saturday : August 12th 2006 @ 3:45am] |
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I'm tired. Yakima is lame, people are too immature here. Honestly, why do people go out of their way to do some of the shit they do. Like leaving lame voice mail's that no one really cares to listen to. We're all going to die. The world is coming to an end. No one gives a fuck about anything anymore, everyone is doing drugs, killing eachother, doing whatever the fuck they feel like and whatever makes them happy. No one ever considers anyone's feelings, no one looks at it from another persons point of view. I'm guilty of this too so I can't say much. I smoked too much pot, I'm going to sleep.
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